The Tree

A few days ago I was walking Mason down our neighborhood street like I do every evening after work. I always take my keys, some plastic bags, and my phone. After about 20 minutes, we were walking back towards the house and I just stopped and noticed a tree. I pass by it everyday but for some reason I just wanted to stand there a moment, look up, see the texture and its colors and silhouette against the sky. I took my phone out and took a photo as Mason patiently waited, sniffing the ground. I kept looking up. Then as I was in the action of taking another photo I saw something in the corner of my left eye in the sky. A HERON! A huge blue heron flew right above the tree! Unfortunately, I didn't get him in the photo because of the camera delay. But oh my god a heron. It was amazing. I understood. I was in shock. I felt like fainting. I felt like screaming of joy. It was my bro saying hi. It's happened before. There is no explanation for this but of him saying hi, him telling me everything is fine, and him telling me he is with me. HE IS WITH ME, ALWAYS. I am so glad I got that photo of the tree. It doesn't show the heron, but it shows nature's beauty and the awe-inspiring wonder of the universe and how there are things we cannot explain but we can certainly believe.

Favorite Photo

My dad, mom, Bob, me, and close family friend, Larry. Lititz, PA, circa 1977-78.

Bob is Always with Me

Approaching the 5th year anniversary of Bob's passing, I wanted to take a visual inventory of just how much he is still in my life. Every morning, afternoon, and evening, he is with me. Saturdays sitting at my computer, evenings relaxing on the couch, I am surrounded by his things, gifts he's given to me, and even gifts I gave to him that I now own. Every piece of pottery he created, unique gifts from Hawaii, his guitar he adored, the clothing he once wore. It's not that I need to be reminded of my loss; having all of these things fills the air with his spirit, and I know he is with me, and that's comforting.

Below is a slideshow of the photos I took of the things I see everyday around my house...

If you don't have Flash, copy and paste this link into your browser to see the album.
https://picasaweb.google.com/109746190036513054714/BobAroundTheHouse?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCO7xyuLr86DsuAE&feat=directlink

October Rituals

Tomorrow is the four year anniversary of Bob's passing. I can't believe it's been four years already. Even more surprising is the fact my parents and I have been able to survive and continue living without my brother, without their son. I don't know how we've done it. Holidays pass, birthdays pass, significant anniversaries pass... The world keeps moving at rapid speed.

Today my mom drives up from North Carolina. We'll be going to the beach tomorrow which is what we've done since October of 2007. I have leis coming in from Hawaii which we'll throw into the waves and say a blessing for Bob. My dad will go to the beach in North Carolina with Kona, take a fishing pole, maybe throw a line out. 

I've learned the importance of rituals honoring a loved one. Whether it's on their birthday, anniversary of some kind, or just a special day during the year you set aside, designating a time to be with your loved one helps in so many ways. You feel more at peace, gain strength, you're allowed to laugh and to cry. It's a special, quiet time when the world does seem to stop...just for a moment. 

Memorial Video

Click here to see the memorial video I made of Bob.