Whatever "it" is, I'm doing it

People often say,"I don't know what I would do if my brother/mother/best friend/grandfather died suddenly." I know I've even said that in the past. But now I'm actually doing whatever "it" is. So I had to ask myself, What am I doing? Just existing? Am I living? Am I going to work? Yes. Am I reading through mail and paying bills on time? Yes. Am I watering my plants? Yes. Am I sleeping at night? Sort of. Do I laugh? Yes. Do I cry? Certainly. Do I maintain a loving relationship with my partner? Yes. Do I celebrate holidays? Sometimes. Do I take care of my dog? Of course. Do I miss my brother? Terribly. So throughout the two and a half years so far doing this "it" thing, I've arrived at an answer: surviving. I'm actually surviving.

Merriam-Webster's definition for "survive":

intransitive verb
1. to remain alive or in existence: live on
2. to continue to function or prosper

transitive verb:
1. to remain alive after the death of
2. to continue to exist or live after
3. to continue to function or prosper despite: withstand

Like a mysterious illness finally diagnosed, my "it" has been explained. The symptoms and signs all point to doing this thing called surviving. And with surviving, there is adjusting and adapting. And those who are grieving know, the world is seen through different lenses after the death. The surroundings are familiar but the environment has changed.

Take a moment to cherish and appreciate your family and friends. And live on.


Coco Ballzini said...

Awesome blog and thoughts, Air! So great to get it all out and share with all of us. Thank you for that. I love the part in this about remaining alive after the death of...so true. As if you continue to exist after part of you has gone to the other side with Bob. Something, some part of you maybe passed over but you are still here, in body and mind. You continue to exist, remain alive in the face of losing something, someone, some life that you loved. I think you are amazing. Thank you again for sharing all of this wonderful blogging. xoxoxo Idna

trish said...

Thanks, Id!! ox